Loving Yourself as a Black Woman

Valentine’s Day is around the corner and if you’re not in a relationship sometimes seeing all those people in love can be annoying.  However it’s  important to  remind yourself that you are loved and wanted on a daily basis.  Remember whether you’ve been single for a while or recently ended a relationship, it’s important not to focus on the fact that you don’t have a significant other. Instead, focus on the fact that you don’t need a   significant other in order to feel loved.

REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE WORTHY

We often have the  idea of “loving” as the image of someone else loving us. Someone else doing things for us, kissing us or taking us places. We often try to find someone to make us feel good.  However  looking outside of ourselves  for love is a big obstacle to self-love. When you rely on other people to make  you feel worthy, there is no place where you can access that feeling of importance from within yourself.

 

1. SPEND TIME ALONE

Many women like to fill their nights with friends and parties when they’re single, for various reasons. Some people just really like to go out and socialize, but others are more interested in filling the void so that they don’t have to be alone. There’s the assumption that if you’re home alone on Saturday night, you’re lonely and would rather be on a date. I know it can feel lonely to not to have weekend plans, but part of being in love with yourself is enjoying your own company.   Let go of the idea that you need to “be social” every weekend.  Set aside some time to be alone and rediscover all the things that make you fabulous.

 

2. BUY FRESH FLOWERS FOR YOURSELF

Don’t wait until you find someone  who will show up at your door with long-stemmed roses.  The presence of living, breathing plants can be a constant reminder that even though you don’t have a partner, you still have a life.

3. PREPARE HOME-COOKED MEALS FOR ONE

Cooking for one can be challenging.  Even though you’re only cooking for yourself, try to cook a really good meal once or twice per week.   Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you have to order out all the time. Buy some groceries and prepare meals for yourself on a regular basis. It’s much healthier and easier on your wallet.

4. TAKE YOURSELF OUT ON A DATE

Don’t miss out on a great meal or  a good movie just because you don’t have a date to take you out. When you commit to taking yourself out on dates periodically, it reminds you that you don’t need a plus one to have fun.

5. EXPLORE YOUR CREATIVE SIDE

Sign up for a class like poetry writing, pastry baking, pottery or whatever interests you.  This can be fun and will help you to create something meaningful to you.

Remember as RuPaul says “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love someone else”.  Can I get an Amen!!!