Beginning Therapy

Photo by Luis Quintero on Pexels.com

It’s not too difficult to  find a therapist but it can be difficult to know if you’ve found one who is right for you.  The first step is often going on the internet and looking at Psychology Today, Therapy for Black Girls or other therapist directories.  After you find a therapist it’s important to see if they are the right fit for you.  Here are some questions to ask yourself  to see if you’ve found the right therapist for yourself.

1. What does it feel like for you to sit with the therapist? Do you feel safe and comfortable?  Is the person down-to-earth and easy to relate to or does he or she feel cold and emotionally removed?  Is the therapist arrogant?   If a therapist  doesn’t feel like a good fit for you, that’s okay; there’s absolutely no contract or rule requiring you to continue working with any therapist. However,  If you find yourself reacting negatively to every therapist you see, then the issue could be yours and may warrant your sticking it out with a therapist in an effort to work through your fears  of beginning therapy.

2. What’s the therapist’s general philosophy and approach to helping? Does your therapist  approach people in a compassionate and optimistic way? Does he or she believe humans are born loving and lovable?

3. Can the therapist clearly define how he or she can help you to solve whatever issue or concern has brought you to therapy?  A therapist should be able to  explain how they can help and  be able  to give you a basic “road map,” to their approach.

4. Can your  therapist accept feedback and admit mistakes? A good therapist  is open to feedback and to learning that something he or she said hurt or offended you. Good therapists are willing to look at themselves and to honestly and openly admit mistakes.

5. Does the therapist  encourage dependence or independence? Therapy doesn’t solve your problems; it helps you to solve your own.  Therapy doesn’t soothe your overwhelming feelings; it helps you learn to soothe your own feelings.  If your therapist never encourages you to access your own resources, it is more likely you will become dependent on your therapist to help you feel better, rather than learning to depend on yourself.

6. Does the therapist have experience helping others with the particular issues for which you are seeking therapy? The more experience a therapist has addressing a particular issue, concern, or problem area, the more expertise they have developed.

9. Does the therapist make guarantees or promises? It’s important for a therapist to provide hope but not give  absolute unconditional guarantees.

10. Is the therapist  licensed? Licensure means  that a therapist has engaged in postgraduate counseling experience which, depending on the state of licensure, may include up to 3,000 hours of required supervised experience. It also means the therapist has passed a licensing exam. There are many unlicensed therapists who have years of experience and do excellent work, but licensed therapists  have (generally but not always) undergone more extensive supervision than unlicensed counselors. You can contact your state professional licensing board to verify the licensure of a provider.

11. Have any complaints been filed with the board? To see if a therapist has a record or is under investigation, you can check with your state licensing board for their profession.

Remember the most important thing is the relationship, if you feel comfortable and have a good rapport with your therapist then you know you’ve found the one for you.

Black Women and Therapy- Why Race Matters

“What would a White doctor know about my problems?” “They’ll call me crazy and lock me up!” “The pastor has been helping me,” and “Where would I even find a good Black counselor?”   Although the Black community shares the same concerns and mental health issues as others  and with  even greater stressors due to discrimination and economic inequities,   many shy away from psychotherapy.    This is due to many factors such as feeling unable to find a therapist they feel can truly help them,  being distrustful of White people, the belief that seeking help makes you weak and also the idea that therapy is for “crazy” people.

 

Cultural Mistrust

African Americans have a greater distrust of the medical establishment in general, and many feel that  medical institutions hold racist attitudes. This goes  back to historical abuses of slaves by White doctors for medical experimentation; Blacks could neither consent or refuse to participate because of their low social status and were often victimized, even to the point of being used as examples of surgical techniques for medical students.

Cultural mistrust is partially responsible for  the under use of  mental health  services, leaving many without needed care. Black people may fear mistreatment, being hospitalized involuntarily, or being used as research “guinea pigs.” Black people who regularly encounter prejudice often  develop “healthy paranoia” — a cultural response style based on experiences of racism and oppression in White society.  Worries  about being judged or wrongly  diagnosed may lead many African Americans to exercise caution or avoidance of mental health care. This reaction has lead some clinicians to over diagnose paranoia in  Black clients, which then leads to greater mistrust on the part of the client.

Therapist Factors

White therapists often don’t understand why Black clients  are cautious.  Unfortunately ethnic and racial stereotypes often affect therapeutic relationship.  The therapist’s reaction to the client  can be complicated by unacknowledged prejudice, stereotypes, and feelings of guilt.  An honest discussion of ethnic and racial factors in the therapeutic relationship can increase trust and mutual understanding.  However, many therapists are unsure how to approach racial differences, and may prefer a “colorblind” approach.

Colorblindness Is Not the Answer

A colorblind approach only relieves the therapist of his or her obligation to address racial differences and difficulties.  Being  colorblind allows the denial of uncomfortable racial and cultural differences.    Being colorblind  ignores the experience of being stigmatized by society and represents a failure on the part of the therapist.

 

The Black Client and White Therapist

In my work as a therapist working primarily with Black clients, I have had many clients tell me about difficulties they’ve had with White therapists.  Many clients felt there were subjects they couldn’t discuss with their therapist because they felt the therapist couldn’t possibly understand due to cultural and racial differences.  I have also had clients say that they have discussed racism they’ve experienced and felt that their therapist felt that they were making a “big deal” out of something.  These situations led to clients being distrustful of their therapists.

 

 

Choosing a Therapist

It’s important when choosing a therapist to choose someone who you feel understands you and will be empathetic and non judgmental towards you.  Sometimes it takes going to different therapists to find the right one for you.  Finding a culturally competent therapist can be especially difficult but not impossible.  Remember  no matter what race or ethnic background your therapist is, the most important thing is that you feel heard, understood and safe to express yourself in therapy.