Microaggressions at the Office

 

 

 

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Being a Black woman at work often means dealing with microaggressions from other co workers.  This is a list of  common ones and how to deal with them.

1- When White people think you’re the help-  This happens often because people often don’t  except Black women to be in corporate or professional positions.  While we should never believe we’re above people in service positions always be assertive in telling people who you are when they assume you’re the waiter, waitress or bus person..

2-When your presence disturbs them-  For some reason many people are afraid of Black women especially if we raise our voice or seem assertive.  Don’t make yourself smaller to please anyone, always stand tall and speak your truth.

3-When your hair seems to be the talk of the office-  Why do they always want to touch our hair?  If you’re not comfortable with anyone touching your hair say please don’t touch my hair, I’ve done this before, they will get the message.

4-Your voice is heard but not acknowledged-  You say something then your White co worker says the same thing and somehow they’re acknowledged.  This is extremely frustrating.  Speak up and make your voice heard.

5- When you’re stereotyped-  Have you ever had a White woman co worker run to management crying because you corrected her?  I had this happen with an intern I was supervising and I was told to be nicer to her.  The tears can be annoying but remember they often cry because they don’t want to stand up to you and are afraid of your greatness.

It gets frustrating dealing with this stuff but no matter what remember you’re fabulous.

 

Should You Be Friends with Your Co workers?

 

 

 

 

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It used to be considered a bad idea to become friends with your co workers however today with the growth of social media , our personal and work lives tend to blend together more than in the past.  We often connect with co workers on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn soon after meeting and this will draw them more into our lives.

Of course being friends on social media with co workers has some drawbacks.  For example, should you post about hating your job if you have coworkers as Facebook friends?   And do you let your friend, who is also a colleague, know you weren’t really sick last Friday and went shopping instead of coming into the office?  You can hide some posts on social media so that’s a good option if you don’t want co workers to know everything going on with you.

A Gallup poll discovered people who identify having a best friend at work are  happier on the job. These people also rank high in overall job satisfaction. They tend to be more productive  and more loyal to their employer, and also get  sick less often.   The poll’s results suggest, spending time during your lunch break with colleagues  and meeting up with coworkers on the weekend can benefit you professionally as well as personally.

Here are some strategies for how to interact at work that allow you to spend quality time with coworkers while maintaining a good reputation:

1. Take note of the office culture. Identify what attributes are valued among team members and how they communicate with one another. This will help you establish how you fit into the team and how to communicate with them.  This will give you a  a better idea of whether or not  your coworkers seem like people with whom you’d like to spend time outside of work.
2. Avoid talking about other coworkers.  To avoid creating an awkward situation when a coworker is gossiping, you can reply with something like, “I don’t know, since I haven’t talked with her much.”

If you’re a manager or supervisor, you have a few extra things to consider.

1. If you supervise people who are friends outside of work, make sure you never share information about other coworkers. What is workplace gossip to colleagues of an equal level is generally a violation of privacy for managers.
2. Don’t try to cover things up. In most situations, honesty is the best policy. Tell your own supervisor if one of the employees you supervise is a friend and ask them to keep you accountable regarding fair treatment. While it’s not something you need to send a company email announcing, you  should acknowledge the friendship among your team if it comes up.

It may sometimes be  more difficult to navigate work and life when they intersect, however having friends at work can make you feel happier about going  to the office and it creates a culture of support when work gets complicated and life gets difficult.

 

Microaggressions at Work

Being a Black woman at work often means dealing with microaggressions from other co workers.  This is a list of  common ones and how to deal with them.

1- When White people think you’re the help-  This happens often because people often don’t  except Black women to be in corporate or professional positions.  While we should never believe we’re above people in service positions always be assertive in telling people who you are when they assume you’re the waiter, waitress or bus person..

2-When your presence disturbs them-  For some reason many people are afraid of Black women especially if we raise our voice or seem assertive.  Don’t make yourself smaller to please anyone, always stand tall and speak your truth.

3-When your hair seems to be the talk of the office-  Why do they always want to touch our hair?  If you’re not comfortable with anyone touching your hair say please don’t touch my hair, I’ve done this before, they will get the message.

4-Your voice is heard but not acknowledged-  You say something then your White co worker says the same thing and somehow they’re acknowledged.  This is extremely frustrating.  Speak up and make your voice heard.

5- When you’re stereotyped-  Have you ever had a White woman co worker run to management crying because you corrected her?  I had this happen with an intern I was supervising and I was told to be nicer to her.  The tears can be annoying but remember they often cry because they don’t want to stand up to you and are afraid of your greatness.

It gets frustrating dealing with this stuff but no matter what remember you’re fabulous.

 

When you lose your job

Losing g a job is one of life’s most stressful experiences. Unfortunately this is something many people go thru at least once, I have gone through job loss in the past and can attest to it being very difficult. It’s normal to feel angry, hurt, or depressed  or feel anxious about what will happen next for you.   Job loss and unemployment involves a lot of change all at once, which can hurt your sense of purpose and self-esteem. While the stress seems overwhelming, there are many things you can do to take control of the situation and come out of this difficult time stronger and more resilient.

Why is job loss so stressful?

Job loss is stressful because often our jobs  are much more than just the way we make a living. They influence how we see ourselves, as well as the way others see us. They  often give us structure, purpose, and meaning.

In addition to the loss of income, losing a job also comes with other losses, which are very  difficult to face:

• Loss of your professional identity
• Loss of self-esteem and self-confidence
• Loss of your daily routine
• Loss of purposeful activity
• Loss of your work-based social network
• Loss of your sense of security

Losing your job forces you to make quick changes, which can leave you feeling upset, angry or  depressed.   Remember  grieving the loss of your job and adjusting to unemployment can take time. Try to accept your feelings and don’t be hard on  yourself. Think of your job loss as a setback and remember Most successful people have experienced major setbacks in their careers but have turned things around by picking themselves up, learning from the experience, and trying again.  This happened for me and can happen for you.

.It’s important to reach out to others even though your natural reaction at this difficult time may be to withdraw from friends and family out of shame or embarrassment. The person you talk to doesn’t have to be able to offer solutions; they just have to be a good listener, someone who’ll listen without being distracted or judging you.  It’s also important to keep yourself busy.  If you spend most of your time doing something productive it will help you to feel better.

 

Remember to take good care of yourself and even though it might seem like things won’t get better after a job loss, try not to give up hope.

Practicing Mindfulness During Your Workday

A busy week at work often leads to increased stress.   Even with the best intentions for productivity at the start of the day, many people  find themselves going home thinking about the tasks they haven’t completed and wondering how the day went by so fast.

Successful mindfulness practice can help to reduce stress, improve focus, and help you to find more satisfaction in relationships.   I’ve compiled a list of 10 ways you can easily fit mindfulness practice into a regular day:

1. Practice Mindfulness in the Morning

Try introducing mindful moments into some of your first actions for the day, such as when you start getting ready for work.   For example, try being mindful while you get dressed.  How does the clothing feel,  take a deep breath as you get dressed.   Pay attention to the fabric touching your skin.

2. Practice Mindfulness on Your  Commute

If you drive, take a moment in traffic to safely notice the details around you. What does the car in front of you look like? How does the steering wheel feel in your hands? If you take public transportation, take a deep breath and notice how the seat beneath you feels. See the color and texture of it. Notice the sound the bus or train makes when it starts and stops.

3. Practice Mindfulness While Drinking Coffee or Tea

If you’re the type of person who chugs coffee or tea while checking email first thing in the morning, then this might be a good time to pause and take a moment for mindfulness.  Instead, sit down with your cup and notice how it feels in your hands. Feel the temperature through the container. Inhale the aroma, then slowly breathe it back out. How does the color of your drink contrast or blend in with its container?

4. Practice Mindfulness While Taking a Break

Make a point to take short breaks from work a few times each day. Taking a quick walk even if it’s around your office or grabbing a snack can help refuel your energy and productivity level. Studies have found employees who take breaks during the day,  return to their tasks with more stamina and feel more energized and motivated throughout the day.

5. Practice Mindfulness While Browsing Social Media

Findings from a University of Pittsburgh study suggest  that the more time people spend on social media, the more likely they are to experience depression. Social media can sometimes make you feel more isolated, can expose you to cyberbullying, and can sometimes distort your perception of time Try not to stay logged into your social media accounts all the time, so when you  decide to check Facebook or Instagram, you need to stop and log in.

6. Practice Mindfulness in the Presence of Others

If your day involves being around other people for a lot of the time, you can still find moments for mindfulness. If you’re in a work meeting, lay your hand flat on the surface in front of you. Notice how the table or desk feels under your palm.

7. Practice Mindfulness in Meditation

Many people practice mindfulness through meditation.  Quieting your mind is often very difficult. In mindfulness meditation, focus your mind on the present thought. If you find your thoughts drifting to other things, take notice of those thoughts—without reaction or judgment then redirect your attention back to the present.  If you’re having trouble getting started, try  closing your eyes and focusing on your breathing. Count each deep breath as you check in with your body. Notice where you are carrying tension. Focus your breaths on that area.

8. Practice Mindfulness While Eating

Physical health can contribute in many ways to mental health and well-being. Practicing mindfulness while making decisions about what you put in your body can help you feel better and also aid in creating healthier eating habits.  Being in tune with your body and eating while relaxed can also support good digestion.

9. Practice Mindfulness in Self-Care Activities

Meditation and mindfulness can be a part of your self care plan.   Think about what would most benefit your mind and body, and then choose a self-care activity thoughtfully.  During your activity, pay attention to your senses. What do you feel? What can you hear? If you find your mind wandering, take note of your thoughts and direct them back to your self-care activity.

10. Practice Mindfulness Before You Go to Sleep

A lack of good and restful sleep can raise your stress level and take a toll on your mind and body. If your mind is busy, and you’re having difficulty quieting it at night, a moment of mindfulness can be very helpful.   Try a few deep breathing exercises or a guided meditation.  As you lie in bed, focus on relaxing one section of your body at a time. Concentrate on your breathing until your mind feels quiet enough to fall asleep.